we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
