Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
