he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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