my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
