After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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