i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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