Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
