I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
COCAINE IS GR8
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
