I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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