Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
In America we eat man semen.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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