Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
