Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Randomize
