he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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