You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
