Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
