yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
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