I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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