She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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