ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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