You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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