I just made out with a guy for $7.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
