no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
