I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
