it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
