Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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