I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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