Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
