I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
