like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
