You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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