I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize