oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
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