he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
