I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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