just come out here and I will go home with you...
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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