i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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