Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
