Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm like, not good at living.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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