both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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