I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
