I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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