Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
