I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
