Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
