The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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