If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
