omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
