its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You're a waste of cheezeits
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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