I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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