oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I deserve to be covered in dicks
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
