He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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