just come out here and I will go home with you...
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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