remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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