oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
