yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
