Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
